Tag Archives: The Kiss of Piss Off

I’ll Kiss You, My Pretty!



Kissing.  I’m whole-heartedly for it. Not only is it a peck of fun, but for us witches, it can be so much more. Being a mother, I’m quite familiar with kissing my son before sending him off to school, secure in the knowledge that my kiss adds a layer of protection to his day.

But kisses are amazingly multi-functional.  A quick jaunt through the Googlesphere shows they can be used:


To heal – We kiss a child’s bump or bruise to “make it better.”

To obtain poesy – To get the gift of eloquence, we kiss the Blarney Stone.

To convey good luck – We kiss on New Year’s Eve for good luck.  And the first person (other than its mother) to kiss a baby, affects Baby’s luck in life.

To break an enchantment – Sleeping Beauty was awakened with a kiss. And apparently, if you kiss the right frog, he’ll turn into a prince.  In these instances, it’s not just any kiss that holds the power, but the kiss of a particular person (such as a princess), or sometimes a kiss of particular virtue (such as true love’s first kiss).

To seal or imprint intent – We seal our love letters with a kiss.  Kissing you’re signature in a book, or indeed kissing the Bible or other holy relic can seal your oath.  As well, there’s the kiss following the giving of fealty.

Protection or Curse – Some scholars believe that all those X marks – stand-ins for our kisses — may have ties the Hebrew letter tav, and posit that the mark of Cain (placed on Cain’s forehead to keep others from killing him) was the Hebrew letter tav.

Which doesn’t make much sense until you compare the modern letter tav:

Modern Tav

With the older version of Tav:
Old Tav

Let’s not forget the famous mafia-style Kiss of Death.

(In my ever ready imagination, I can see this transmuted into the Kiss of Piss On Off.  A two-handed kiss, planted a la Michael Corleone. It would probably work a treat on all those pesky proselytizers!)

And a personal fav, smooching the Devil’s buttock (also known as the Osculum infame).


Given all that, no matter the Work, a kiss may just be the most satisfying way ever to deliver it.

In that spirit, here’s a fun nursery-rhyme-like spell I wrote for my nephews. The right column is what I say, and the left column in italics is the accompanying action:


Pitter pat.                              Tap chest twice.

Tit for tat.                              Touch index finger to right of nose, then left of nose

Good luck.                            Hold on to both ear lobes and gently tug once

Full of pluck.                        Another gentle tub

Evil duck.                             A third gentle tub

Amant!                                Kiss forehead


So where’s the spell, you ask? Here’s the underlying Work:


Pitter pat – catching the attention of the Powers that Be. Much like knocking on wood.

Tit for tat – reminding Them that help goes both ways, and you’re here for Them, too.

Good luck / Full of pluck / Evil duck – the things I want for the child. I want them to be lucky, to be brave and to avoid evil.

Amant! – Latin for “They love you.” In my case, I mean the those selfsame Powers That Be.

Now get out there, and get to smooching!




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